he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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