I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
