peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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