Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This baby is an asshole
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
