I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
