Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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