i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
