Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
