i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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