what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
