Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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