The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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