he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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