Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
