Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
