They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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