i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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