I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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