i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
