Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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