awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
