He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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