I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
