Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
