he told me I talked like a deaf person
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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