Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
