I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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