I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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