while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
