Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
