it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
