I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
