2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize