I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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