Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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