His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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