We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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