If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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