New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
