____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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