3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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