my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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