i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
