I met the friendliest cop last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
