Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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