if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
