I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
