I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
