I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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