you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk is a universal language darling
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
