Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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