I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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