He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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