They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
