morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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