she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You are a genius and a whore.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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