Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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