I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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