You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
