I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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