I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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