If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
