Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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