Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
