I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
