yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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