you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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