At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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